Our inner child

What is the inner child?

The inner child is something precious that we witness most clearly in kindergartens and playgrounds, where children naturally come together to play, learn, meet, laugh, sing, cry, and express themselves freely. When was the last time you played with your young children, grandchildren, or friends’ kids? Or perhaps you’ve simply observed children playing on the beach or at local playgrounds?

It always strikes me when I pass a kindergarten or elementary school and hear that wonderful noise level rise. What I see through my eyes is pure vitality and endless curiosity in most children, the way they run and play without self-consciousness, ask countless questions, and discover new things with genuine wonder.

This observation always makes me wonder: why do we lose this natural vitality and curiosity that children possess so effortlessly as we grow older? What happens to that spark that once made everything feel like an adventure worth exploring?

What are the inner child-like qualities?

These inner child qualities are multifaceted. They all flow together as one beautiful whole. The inner child is always curious, with big, wonder-filled eyes that see the world with freshness. They speak without fear of being judged, sparking joy and enthusiasm wherever they go. They’re full of vitality, wanting to play all day long and explore new discoveries around every corner. They are pure explorers by nature.

Through play, they can invent entire stories and worlds. They possess unlimited imagination and know instinctively how to build and destroy, create and recreate. Wonder is perhaps their most precious quality, that sense of awe for the world around them.

I still remember first seeing the Mediterranean Sea when I was 4 or 5 years old. I was completely struck by that vast blue line stretching endlessly before me. Now I live next to the beach, and I watch children who simply love coming here. They play with the sand, splash in the water, chase the little waves, build castles, run freely, and play with such absorption that parents can actually relax, their kids are completely engaged in the magic of the moment.

At the end of the day, these children don’t want to go home. They don’t want to leave the water because they live fully in the present moment. This ability to be completely here and now is another profound quality children naturally possess. There’s a purity in them that’s unmistakable.

What other qualities come to your mind? And what memories do you carry from your own childhood? Where and when do you remember yourself truly playing?

Why do we lose the inner child-like qualities?

Children must adapt to their environment, their families, societies, and in some cases, religious systems, friends, and countless other influences. Let me share some examples I’ve witnessed with my own eyes, as well as others that emerge during healing sessions with my clients.

Think back to those playgrounds or beaches where parents spend time with their children. I’ve watched parents shout at their little ones with such aggression and anger that the child freezes, becomes paralyzed, starts crying, or turns rebellious. In my therapy sessions, adults often begin crying when they relive childhood traumas, times when parents were absent, hurtful, mean, or abusive.

Trauma is multifaceted. Children don’t need to experience war or torture to be wounded. Trauma can be the gradual accumulation of adults’ misguided attitudes. Parents and caregivers who unknowingly make children and teens feel rejected, abandoned, or humiliated.

We adults have lost our true authenticity at many points during our upbringing in order to become the ‘good boy or girl.’ We learned to behave according to what felt right from our parents’ or teachers’ point of view. Children lose their innermost qualities because they simply cannot be themselves. They become educated in what feels acceptable within each household and environment.

The most tragic part is that adults, caregivers, parents, teachers, and others don’t understand how their words, expressions, and decisions condition the younger ones. Over time, this subtle conditioning becomes their new personality. A false one.

What happens when we lose our inner child?

Through the conditioning of others, our authentic self becomes fragmented, replaced by a false personality. The most troubling aspect is that these fragmented people aren’t even aware of what has happened, they believe this constructed identity is their real personality.

Some people lose their joy and enthusiasm entirely. Others become chronically sad and melancholic. Some turn angry and aggressive, while others develop sharp, ironic, and sarcastic tendencies that hurt those around them. The variations are endless, but the underlying wound remains the same.

In my own experience, I lost my joy and enthusiasm completely. During puberty, psychosomatic illnesses began appearing, my body’s way of expressing the underlying traumas and abuses that had been buried deep within my psyche. Some people become like zombies, going through life without truly living. Others withdraw completely or sink into depression. Many turn to food, becoming overweight as they try to fill the inner void, to numb the sadness and repress emotions that feel too overwhelming to face.

Our society compounds this tragedy because it’s not built on a foundation of wellbeing, but on productivity and performance. This makes healing even more challenging for all human beings trying to reconnect with their authentic selves.

What did you lose along the way? Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

How to gain back the inner child-like qualities?

Recovering our inner child’s qualities is, in my view, one of the most important endeavors each human being can undertake. Without this recovery, our fragmented self remains on autopilot, driven by underlying and unresolved issues and emotions that play out in abusive, disconnected, or dysfunctional relationships.

The healing journey to reclaim these innermost qualities varies greatly, shorter for some people, longer for others, depending on numerous factors. Initially, people might reach out for talk therapy, then explore courses and workshops. However, to bring about true, authentic healing, a body-mind-spirit approach is essential.

People need direct experiences of how their nervous system can be restored, how their vital and sexual energies can reawaken, how their mental framework can be transformed through practices like meditation, how their emotional reactivity can be discharged, and how the spiritual dimension plays a fundamental role in the healing process.

This takes time and patience. Twenty years of conditioning, upbringing, and accumulated hurt cannot be resolved in 10, 20, or even 50 hours of therapy. People need to commit to the process and find the right therapist, the right method, the right place, and the right timing for their unique journey.

There’s a vast marketplace out there filled with different therapeutic approaches, but not all work at the source level, meaning they address symptoms rather than the root causes. Finding a therapist who has navigated their own inner turmoil and rediscovered their own authentic qualities is not easy, especially in today’s social media-driven world where appearance often matters more than genuine transformation. If you have time to read my first book WITHIN, you will understand more about the vastness of the soul, of consciousness, and the unique healing journey that awaits each of us.

When do you feel most connected to your playful, curious nature?

Are there places in nature that remind you of your playfulness as a little child or teenager? Are there moments when you’re with certain people that you feel more at ease and truly connected to yourself?

I live next to the beach, and in the early mornings, I go down for a swim and a walk, feeling the sunrise and sharing breakfast with my partner Kat. These daily rituals set the foundation for my entire day, they prepare me for work and everything else that follows. What are your daily rituals that create the right setting for your day?

The sea, the waves, the endless blue, the wind, the open vastness of the ocean, all these simple yet profound details awaken my innermost child. They invite me to play, to feel grateful, to take life step by step, and to live fully in the present moment.

For some people, it’s the mountains that call to their inner child. For others, it’s the countryside or open fields. Some find their connection in the desert’s vast silence. Each of us has those special places where our authentic self naturally emerges. Where does your inner child feel most free to come alive?

What activities or experiences make your inner child feel most alive and joyful?

Is it dancing? Listening to music that moves your soul? Walking in nature? Working out and feeling your body’s strength? Reading a captivating book? Contemplating a breathtaking sunset? Sharing your self with a dear friend? Traveling to new places? Meditating in stillness? Joining a yoga class? Drawing or creating art?

As you can see, there are countless ways our inner child can come alive and flourish. The key is recognizing that we must stop limiting ourselves, stop being so chronically stressed, stop the endless drive to accumulate more and more of everything.

It’s about cultivating ‘beingness’, learning to simply be rather than constantly doing. Children naturally know how to be. We adults have lost this precious dimension of beingness, and that’s precisely why certain activities like those mentioned above help us reconnect, little by little, with the being aspect of ourselves.

When we engage in these soul-nourishing activities, we’re not just doing something, we’re returning home to who we truly are. And meditation is one of the most potent practices to cultivate the ‘being’. Think about which activities bring out the very best in you, and commit to exploring these pathways more and more. Your inner child is waiting to play again.

How does your inner child show up in your intimate relationships?

When the inner child and inner wounds are healed, our relationships transform completely, whether at work, at home, or in any setting. Everything begins to flow with gratitude and expansion. We connect with a deeper knowing of the universe and the people who surround us. We’re anchored in a deeper essence of love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

We learn to laugh at our mistakes and open ourselves with wonder, curiosity, and joy. We naturally share our journey, our wisdom, our joy, and our light with others. The awakened inner child brings forth a mature adult, an awakened, empowered adult who can play at the beach or on playgrounds like a little child, without fear of being ridiculed, judged, or criticized.

The way your relationships function is a profound reflection of who you are inside. Don’t blame others, look within yourself. Do the inner work. Stop comparing yourself to others, stop complaining, and commit to the healing process. Awaken to your true self. This is the most beautiful journey your soul will ever embark upon, and you will emerge completely transformed. Expect miracles. Expect surprises. Expect to fall in love with life and yourself all over again.