One client’s journey into consciousness and healing

Let’s dive in. This is the experience of a client, a Spanish woman in her forties, mother of three children, married for over fifteen years and recently separated. She doesn’t identify with any particular religion, although her parents are Catholic.

During our first encounter, she expressed her confusion: after so many years of living together, how was it possible that she hadn’t realized something was wrong? How could it be that, when faced with things she didn’t like, she hadn’t “listened” to herself? What she truly wanted was to understand who she was and what was happening inside her.

But she wanted to discover it on her own. She didn’t want anyone telling her who she was or how she felt. She was looking for an inner, authentic exploration, born from direct experience. At the same time, she felt a mixture of sadness and anger: sadness for herself, and anger for having “wasted” so many years of her life.

After the first inner space therapy session, I asked her to write about her experience. These are her exact words from that first encounter:

Her testimony
I kept dozing off at times, and when I became aware of it, I’d wake up without really knowing where I was. When I realized I was there with Alex, lying down, I felt embarrassed, thinking he might believe I had fallen asleep. Was I doing something wrong?
I remember that suddenly I started to feel as if someone was tapping on my left arm, almost like someone poking me with a finger to get my attention. How strange, I thought. But I didn’t say anything to Alex—it felt more like something from my imagination.

After a while, I felt as if someone was pulling on the same arm… as if the one who had been trying to get my attention, seeing that I wasn’t responding, decided to pull me… and in that moment, I felt myself falling into a deeper level… and I began to feel that my body was changing, my face was changing… it was as if I were made of clay and my body was shifting shape… very strange… my shoulders started to broaden, my chest too…

I told Alex:
Something strange is happening in my body, I feel it getting bigger.
And then Alex asked me:

—Are you a man or a woman?
My rational mind was stunned by that question… What do you mean, a man? Hasn’t he seen me?… but then, feeling what my body was becoming, I answered without hesitation:
—A man.

Yes, I felt like a man. A large, strong man.

Curious. Very curious. And then an image appeared—very clear, very vivid—of me flying over a vast forest, landing on what seemed to be a stone cabin with a roof covered in what looked like stretched hides set out to dry… I flew over the house and as I headed toward the entrance, I could even see a stone threshold, worn down by the passage of animals and people, at the cabin’s entrance… I was about to go in quickly… but I couldn’t—something stopped me and the image disappeared.

I told Alex, and at that moment I saw myself running through a forest. I saw the trees as I passed them. Early morning, misty, it seemed like winter… the image was greyish… I told Alex:
—I’m running through a forest.
Another image, like a shaman:
—I see a shaman dressed in bison skin.
(And I thought to myself: How do I even know it’s bison skin? I have no idea. It’s like the words came out of my mouth without going through my head, but I was sure that if I said it, it must be true.)

—Good —Alex said—. And what does the shaman want?
—He wants to banish me from the village.
(Am I seriously saying this?)
—And how do you feel?
—I feel like he’s right. I did something wrong, something against the village rules, and I have to leave.

Now I see my bare feet walking through a stream… they’re the feet of a man. I can only see up to my knees.
—I’m walking in a stream —I tell Alex.
—And how are you feeling? Sad? As if you’re carrying a heavy burden?

And at that moment, I came out of the man’s body and saw him. A young man, tall, with long blond hair, wearing animal skins… walking sadly, with his shoulders slumped forward…
—Yes —I said to Alex—, I’m walking with sadness.

I re-entered the man’s body and stopped in front of a tree… I looked up. I still have that image engraved in my mind—I can still see the tree, its bark, a patch where the bark was missing just above my head. I wouldn’t know what kind of tree it was, but it was very tall.

—I’ve stopped in front of a tree. It’s my tree —I told Alex.
—And what do you want to do?
—Say goodbye —I replied. At that point, I wasn’t even wondering where my words were coming from anymore.

Then I hugged the tree and began to cry, with a sadness so deep it felt as though I was emptying out a sorrow that had been stored there for thousands of years. A sorrow I hadn’t even known was there.
And then Alex said:
—Feel it. Feel the sorrow and see how it relates to your life now.

And I understood. During the last months of my separation, I hadn’t allowed myself to feel any sadness—only anger… I had to keep going, for my children. No one could see how hurt I was. I had to carry on with my life… I hadn’t let myself feel the grief. A grief that was necessary and very much present.

Just like the man had to leave his village, I had to leave my marriage. A chapter in my life was ending. And even though I knew it had to be that way, it didn’t mean I shouldn’t grieve that part of my life that I once believed would last forever but was now coming to an end.

Realizing that was a great liberation. Some of the anger faded, and I allowed myself to feel my vulnerability.

This is the beauty and power of inner space sessions: clients access deep, embodied realizations that go far beyond the ordinary mind and belief system. In that sacred space, healing transforms into a true hero’s journey. This was the first session of many to come…Are you ready for it?